Monica Michael LPC | 10 Ways to Nurture Self-respect Through the Practice of Self-hospitality
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07 May 10 Ways to Nurture Self-respect Through the Practice of Self-hospitality

Self-care is critical for every avenue of your health. At the most basic level, it is core to your physical well-being. We see this expressed in personal hygiene, physical exercise, and nutrition.

Yet, self-care is equally as important for our mental and spiritual well-being. Taking care to nurture and feed our minds and souls is the process by which we become who we are. This is the reservoir from which we draw when reaching out and connecting with others.

In short, self-care is the act of practicing self-hospitality. Going the extra mile to give yourself an enjoyable daily experience is a way to tell yourself you are you are valuable and worthy of love.

Most of us know what it is like to scurry around the house straightening things up and deep cleaning to prepare for guests. We suddenly notice every cobweb and dust bunny. We bring out the special treats, maybe light some candles, or diffuse the essential oils. We find a million little ways to say WELCOME.

Imagine the impact it would make on your life if you treated yourself as the guest worthy of extra attention and care. What if you began to create that space for yourself in your heart, home, and head, where you have a refuge from life’s harsher realities and daily challenges?

Now that you can imagine how much nicer that would make you feel, let’s consider 10 ways to move in the direction of self-hospitality. Because let’s face it, when we treat ourselves with this kind of self-respect, we send a clear message to others how we intend to be treated and we have a lot more emotional margin from which to treat others respectfully.

Practicing Self-Hospitality

Ten ways to develop habits of self-hospitality:

• Listen to your feelings
• Tidy up your environment
• Thank yourself
• Make a date with yourself
• Spend time with people you enjoy
• Get good sleep
• Fix things
• Laugh
• Embrace the now
• Accentuate the positive

Listen to Your Intuition

You wouldn’t ignore a guest, so give yourself permission to listen to your own intuition. You gained your internal wisdom through lived experiences. If something is raising red flags for you, take those self-alerts seriously.

Too often we ignore our protective instincts and choose to observe proper etiquette, instead of drawing boundaries that are meant to keep us safe. Extending hospitality to yourself in this manner will help you have fewer regrets.

Tidy Up Your Environment

Today’s choices build tomorrow’s intuition. Put things away when you are done with them. Make your bed – you are worth it. Designate a specific place for each of your belongings.

Self-hospitality practiced daily and consistently will lay the foundation for self-respect. It doesn’t happen overnight. It might not flip on like a light switch. Yet the sum total of all these microdecisions will contribute to a calmer, more organized, more thoughtful you.

Thank Yourself

When you find an item in the place you expect to find it, remember to thank yourself. At some point you took the extra time to put the item away. Your current self is benefiting from your past self’s thoughtfulness.

Imagine the amount of mental agitation you spared yourself. Congratulate yourself for not having to hurry around the house, searching high and low. Gratitude isn’t just something we can give to others. Thankfulness is great self-affirmation too.

Make a Date With Yourself

Schedule “me” time daily. Whether it’s 20 minutes of enjoying the morning quiet, a 30-minute walk after dinner, or an hour of reading before bed – set a date with yourself.

Think of this as time to unwind, reflect, prepare, and otherwise get in touch with yourself. You know how to carve out time for guests. Be your own guest.

Spend Time with People You Enjoy

Some experts claim we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. If that is true, carving out time for positive influences in our lives is a supreme act of self-hospitality. This is never more apparent than in times of crisis. If we have cultivated healthy relationships with people, they will be the very ones we can turn to in times of trial.

Get Good Sleep

Upon waking, what is the first thing you ask an overnight guest? “Did you sleep well?”You are eager to know if your hospitality provided your guest with good rest and relaxation. Remember to give yourself this same courtesy.

Few people realize that knowing how to get good sleep is a skill that can be learned. In pursuing this skill, you will find that sleep experts teach you how to create a restful atmosphere. This can be done with lighting, comfortable bedding, pleasant scents, and a bedtime routine that promotes physical relaxation. Self-hospitality in this realm can add years to your life and life to your years.

Fix Things

You’ve heard it said, “It’s the little things that count.” A jeweler wanting to sell you an expensive ring or trinket is particularly eager for you to embrace this truism. But what about fixing the leaky faucet that’s been nagging you for way too long? Or touching up the paint job in the kitchen? Or mending the rip in your favorite sweater?

Taking care of even trivial things is an act of great self-hospitality. Tending to each item in its turn frees your mind for other things. If addressing the issues requires you to learn a new skill, you will also gain a wonderful opportunity to increase your problem-solving repertoire.


Commedians and therapists alike know the power of laughter. Laughter opens up a great storehouse of hormones that lift our moods and spirits. Even recalling humorous events makes us happy and paves the way for a hopeful future.

Of course, laughing with friends around a bonfire is fun to do, but laughing by yourself can be just as therapeutic. Check out Dr. Madan Kataria’s laughter yoga videos on YouTube, and you won’t need any further convincing.

Accentuate the Positive

It safe to assume that no vacation resort survives by directing its guests’ attention to what’s missing in the room, and all of the forgotten details. Hospitality is about accentuating the positive. This is no different when it comes to self-hospitality.

Psychology tells us that we get more of what we notice. If we acknowledge our successes and give attention to the things that are working, we will generate more of the same. This is as true of Disney as it is of us.

Embrace the Now

If you think about it, a large degree of hospitality is dedicated to the senses. We set the mood with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. It is literally an attempt to make this moment count in every way. Self-hospitality in this realm means embracing the now – or what psychologists call “mindfulness.”

When we find ourselves stressed or feeling blue, it is often because we are fretting about the future or regretting the past. Bringing ourselves back to center can be achieved by redirecting our attention to the present through using our senses. This is the heart of mindfulness techniques used around the world.

You Can Do It

Practicing self-hospitality is a worthy habit to cultivate. Sewing these seeds will reap the rewards of a positive identity development. By following these 10 different ways to gain self-respect through self-hospitality, you’ll take control of the direction and quality of your life. You can do it. Now is a perfect time to begin taking these steps.

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